
Ya know writing is so therapeutic. My sister calls it “medicine”, she’s right. I wished that she told me sooner before this picture of me was taken in one of my fits.
I don’t know what happened to me when I was pregnant, but a crazy woman took my body hostage. I would have some rage fits. This is so unlike me, so I know it was the increase of hormones. BUT it was not pleasant. Especially for the people closest to me. Poor William. On a warm sunny day in Elgin, Texas I had an ‘out of body’ experience. Not the ‘out of body’ experience people get when they are high from dancing, meditating or praying. As a human being, we have many facets, right? Well I found a side of me that can turn into the Incredible Hulk. An incident caused me to react in a way where I stormed INTO the kitchen and kicked a hole IN THE WALL!!! I opened all the cabinets and slammed them shut, pretty sure the neighbors heard it. I was on fire! The next day I woke up with a sore foot, but I forgot what caused it.
On another day…again something set me off. I picked up furniture ( keep the image of a crazy 5 month pregnant woman in your head ) , an armoire actually…full of clothes and things and I hurled it across the room!!! Yes I did. I went looking for the next heavy object to pick up and throw. My adrenaline was pumping and my face red. Sure, I knew all kinds of relaxing techniques. BUT I was feeding off this crazy fire inside of me and rearranging furniture at warp speed. I thought maybe this could be a good thing. Uh,…no!
I read about this woman who ran over her husband when she was pregnant. So, I’m wondering if postpartum depression exists while BEING pregnant? Usually I’ve heard stories about women AFTER they have given birth. There must be something they call it besides “oh, honey…you’ve just got pregnancy brain is all”. This felt more like a Jekyll and Hyde situation. Why don’t people talk about this? I’ve heard people say, “make sure you’re happy while you’re pregnant because the baby feels that”. I was freaked out Paloma was going to come out with a samurai sword.
Anyhow..I’m still awkward post birth. You’ll find me saying…”well, I was pregnant, excuse me for behaving badly!”. Gotta go now and find that book Sharon Moon gave me, “A Return To Love” and read it while sitting in the hot tub!